Teens----Dating Abuse

Teens---Dating Abuse

Yes, it's a real subject.

It's a subject that I know all too well.

You see, I know several girls who have suffered from such abuse.

(No, I'm not saying just girls are abused, I just don't know of any boys who are)

I personally know 4 girls who have suffered either emotional, verbal, and/or physical abuse at the hands of their boyfriend.

All 4 of these girls are now with new boyfriends (THANK GOD)

BUT, now these boys are/have moved on.

I see them with their new girlfriends and it worries me for the new girls.

I've wondered "Do I mention to the girls about how they treated the ex?"

"Do I mention to the parents, of the girl, about how he treated the ex?"

(Sticky situation--to say the very least)

GIRLS:

Abuse comes in several different ways. Sometimes, you don't even know you're being abused.

There's really no set form to this blog,

 just gonna talk to my girls.

PHYSICAL ABUSE: Whether he hits you, bites you, pinches you, pulls your hair, slaps you on the back--just a little too hard.

If he jerks your arm--making you retreat.

When he says "I was only playing", but he repeatedly does it.

When he says "I'm sorry, it won't happen again"

When he says "You know I wouldn't hurt you, I love you".

****YOU KNOW IF IT'S ABUSE

LOVE DOESN'T HURT

Do you have to "watch what you say" because you 

"don't want to make him too mad"

Do you have to "watch who you speak to" because you 

"don't want to make him too mad"

Do you have to "watch what you wear"

because you "don't want to make him too mad"

Do you ever flinch when he raises his hand?

 When he gets "too mad" what happens?????

Abuse isn't always physical.  It can be emotional too.

Emotional Abuse:

Does he say stuff like, "But baby, you don't need to go with your girlfriends.  If you love me, I'm enough"

"Baby, you mean you'd rather spend time with your friends than with me".

Does he find ways to put your friends down--so that you won't want to spend time with them?

Does he try to "Keep you to himself"? 
I know you're probably thinking, yes, but I want to spend time with him.  He is enough.  I love every minute with him.

But, if he tries to keep you isolated from your family & friends...that can be the beginning of abuse. 

If he keeps you isolated from your friends and/or family, you become even more dependent upon him.

Of course, he turns it to where you "think" this is what you want.  But trust me, in the end, we all need our girlfriends.   

We all need more than 1 important person in our life.  

Do you constantly have to stay in contact with your boyfriend?  

If you're not with him, do you have to "check in" with him.  Of course he'll say something like, "The only reason I want you to check in is because I love you."  

"I just worry about you"

"If you're not doing anything wrong, you wouldn't care to answer your phone/text"

Verbal abuse:

Does he cuss you?

Does he call you names?

Does he try to intimidate you with his words?

Do you find yourself making excuses for him?

Do you find yourself saying:

"He only does it when he's mad".

"I shouldn't have made him so mad"

"He doesn't mean what he says".

GUYS:

If you are one of the guys that I've spoken about..I hope that you've changed. 

I hope that you will treat your new girlfriends with respect.

If you have to force, intimidate, demand a girls attention---you don't need the relationship.

If you need to talk about it, I'm here. 

I don't know that I CAN help, but I know that I'll TRY to help.

Three of you boys, I know personally.

One, I even confronted.

I didn't confront the other 2. 

IF I EVER hear of you abusing your new girlfriends, I will go directly to their parents!!!!

Do you think that kids don't talk about it?

Do you think it's a secret?

What power does hitting a girl give you?

I hope that you'll get help---someway.
**One made the comment that they "had me fooled"  You don't, I just haven't said anything to you yet.  

I have a lot more to say on the subject, but I felt an urgency to share this part. 

Teens--Premarital Sex

Thoughts On/For/About My Teens

I truly believe that God has placed a calling in my life.  A calling for teens. 

(I guess you'd call it a calling)

I'm just naturally drawn toward them.

I just seem to connect with them.

I have several, that contact me often.

Some discuss things that they could/would never discuss with their parents.

I give them my parental view, but I also try to be understanding & not judge.

Kids are kids

Kids are gonna mess up.

They need to know that regardless what they've done in the past---that's the past.

They can change.

Premarital Sex:  

(Yes, I used the word sex--kids need to know)

IT IS A SIN!!!!

1 Corinthans 6:18

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body 

1 Corinthians 7:8-9

I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain,let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn.

 In saying that, sometimes it happens.

Sometimes you mess up

((((NOOOOOO I'm not saying it's ok))))
I'm just wanting you to know.

You can be forgiven of it.

Just because you've lost your virginity, doesn't mean that you're forever condemned.

Ask God to forgive you and He'll forgive you.

BUT, after getting forgiveness, you must abstain from sex.  

Don't have it anymore, until marriage.

This goes to boys & girls:  If you're dating a guy/girl and you have sex with them.

You then break-up and start dating someone else--don't have the mindset

 "Well, I had sex with _____, so it won't hurt to with _____.

Don't feel "obligated" (for lack of better words).

Say no---Mean no---

Your virginity is a gift.  

It's a gift that only you can give to someone.

It's a one time gift.

It's a gift that you should only give someone on your wedding night.  

If someone cares about you---they'll wait.

If they won't wait--they don't care about you.

***IT'S THAT PLAIN AND SIMPLE*** 

Father's Day??

Father's Day!!

(MY ABSOLUTE LEAST FAVORITE HOLIDAY)

You will not see me celebrating this day.  I quit celebrating it 17yrs ago.  

When my Daddy went to heaven.  

I can't really celebrate it.

This past week, Daddy has been on my mind almost obsessively.

I didn't correlate it with Fathers' Day, until I started writing this blog

I really believe that it's my subconscious knowing that
Father's Day was near. 

Daddy had been having some medical problems.

"I" made him an appointment to go to VA to get some test ran.

On June 19th, 1995 (the day before my birthday) we went back to VA for his test results.

They nonchalantly told us "You have lung cancer"

It was devastating--to say the least.

((I've always felt like it was my fault that he had the cancer & died.  Had I not made him go to the doctor, he probably would have lived longer & had a better last year of his life))

We were told that it was not the "spreading" type.

Prognosis was good---so we were told. 

 He had lung surgery--

they removed the bottom portion of his right lung.  

He goes back for  a recheck and we're told that it

"jumped" to his liver & brain.

 When asked about them saying it didn't spread, their sly remark

(((We said it didn't spread--it didn't it jumped around)))

I did not appreciate that sly use of words.

So, Daddy's brain cancer was a rare kind.  

Carcinoid (a word I still cringe over, when hearing)

UK had only had a few cases of it.

So, again, they give us good hopes.

They tell us that if he has "gamma knife"--which was relatively new at the time, 

 He'd have a good prognosis.

(((Why did we believe them again?)))

He gets the gamma knife-which they only needed $17,000 up front.

It didn't work.  DUHHHH

(( Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me))

September 5th, 1995, he begins radiation.

Radiation---legal way to burn someone.

It was awful.  The places that it left on him--horrible.

HE NEVER GAVE UP.

He always thought he'd be ok. 

I think that's what makes me so mad--so hurt.

He really "thought" he'd be ok.  

After treatments--it was just a wait and see. 

A part of me, is thankful we found out he had cancer.

 (although another part thinks it's my fault) 

I had never remembered my Daddy being saved.

He was saved before I was born, but backslid.

(Yes, we're pentecostal & believe in backsliding)

December 20th, 1995, I was on my way to work.

I always tried to just stop in and say hi to him & mom.

I walked in, he was sitting in the back chair at the kitchen table.

(I can still see it vividly)

He said, "Well, I did what you all have been wanting me to do,

I asked the Lord to forgive me".

That was one of the happiest days of my life.

You see, I wasn't saved, but I knew, I believed.

Who's to say, if he hadn't found out he had cancer, he may not have gotten saved---that would have been infinity x infinity worse than finding out about cancer. 

 He just went downhill from there.

I won't say that he ever gave up, but when he couldn't physically hold a fork and feed himself, that's when he changed.

March 2, 1996, he was getting really bad.  

I started a week of staying with him.

If I remember correctly,  Me, Cheryl, Karen & San

all stayed most of that week. 

Hospice had told us that Daddy was hanging on for some reason.

I still to this day think it was that he was wanting to see my sister Kathy, 

but she didn't come. 

She had her reasons, I guess.

I also think he wanted his mom to come--which she didn't.

I cannot even begin to imagine her reasons.

Yes, Grandma Parker was old, but that wasn't an excuse--for me.

My Granny Beulah was old & feeble, but I KNOW, she would have crawled to go see one of her kids on their death bed.  I know it.

OK, moving on. 

.

Thursday, March 10th, we all gathered around Daddy's bed. 

We told him that he could go on to heaven. 
We told him it was ok.

We told him we loved him & would miss him, but we'd be ok.

We told him we'd meet him in heaven someday.

After everyone left the room, 

 I sang "Let's Meet By The River" to him.

***You see, I wasn't saved, but I knew.

Saturday, March 9th, 1996.

We had tickets to take Jared to see "Beauty and the Beast" on ice.

Everyone told me to go ahead and take Jared.

Everyone said that Daddy wouldn't want Jared missing it.

Everyone said daddy would be ok.

((Everyone was wrong!!!!))
We go to Rupp...see the show.

I couldn't get home fast enough.

When we pulled up, I knew.  

There was lots of vehicles at the house.

Jerry drops me off & goes & turns around.

Duck meets me on the porch--shakes his head no--

and I collapse into his arms.

I still remember his blue "windbreaker" jacket.

They had allowed mom to keep Daddy in the house until I got home--- 

which was greatly appreciated.

Won't go into details--hurts too bad.

So, Daddy's funeral was March 12th, 1996.

While at the funeral, I got saved. 

I didn't want that to be the last time that I saw Daddy alive.  

No doubt in my mind--He's in heaven today.

We had always been a close family. 

I was not Daddy's favorite--that title goes to Karen, but

I know Daddy loved me. 

We were poor, but he always made a way.

He had gotten hurt when I was around 2. 

He hurt his back & was disabled.

He had 5 daughters and couldn't get any help.

Back then, they didn't give out medical cards etc... so freely.

We could never get any help.

Daddy made a way to provide for us.

I'm so very thankful.  

THIS is the reason that I don't celebrate Father's Day.

Some may think it's crazy--and that's ok, but,

it's me & my choice. 

 

Do I help the kids celebrate Father's Day with their daddy--YES.

He's a wonderful dad.  

He goes above and beyond to provide for everyone. 

 He loves his kids.  

He tries his hardest to make sure they have not only what they need,

 but most everything they want.